


Fix Me, I'm Broken

by SammyJaynexo



Category: Les Misérables (2012)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-28
Updated: 2013-03-07
Packaged: 2017-12-03 22:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/703569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SammyJaynexo/pseuds/SammyJaynexo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU in which Grantaire is emotionaly screwed up and finally admits to Eponine his darkest secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Deep and Dark

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is based on a true story (that happened to myself), but using the characters of Les Mis and a slightly edited storyline (added some bits, took some out etc.). Disclaimer/trigger warning: I do not support self-harm or self-destruction in any form, I am only writing what I have experienced. I apologise in advance for anything I might write that is offensive but, like I’ve said, this is my story and it’s here to be told. Except.. told using Les Mis characters. Read on…

He was sat in class, bored as hell. He tried to pay attention but he knew that it was never going to happen. He sighed and pulled a metal bottle from his bag containing what some people thought was water, when it was actually vodka. Grantaire took a swig and felt the familiar burn as he swallowed the substance. He couldn’t wait to get back to his dorm and smoke and drink. He only had one friend, Eponine. They went back years, they grew up together. They were both as mentally fucked up as each other which is why they got along so well. Every day she would come to his dorm room (or he to hers) and they would smoke joints and drink bottles and bottles. He knew he was slowly killing himself, but in all honesty? He really didn’t care. He wanted to be dead, he wanted to not have to exist anymore. He’d had enough of the world and he was fine with not having to exist anymore. He sighed, wishing that the class would be over and he could drink himself silly. Much to his delight, the bell rang 5 minutes later and he had already gathered his unpacked bag and lurched out of the classroom to find Eponine.

She was sitting at their meeting place, behind a tree near the dorms. She smiled when she saw him and shuffled over so there was enough room for Grantaire to lean against the tree.  
“Hey” she greeted him, passing him the bottle she was holding. He nodded in response and took a massive swig of the alcohol, smiling as it seared his throat.   
“Thanks ‘Ponine” Grantaire nodded and passed the bottle back to her. He rolled a joint and lit it up. The smoke wafted with the breeze and he would blow smoke rings, smiling at them. He was already high as fuck, but he didn’t care.  
“Ep?” he turned to face her. She looked at him and cocked her head to the side in response. He wanted to talk to her, to spill is innermost feelings to her.   
“You’re such a great friend, thank you” he changed his mind, he wasn’t read. Not yet. Eponine grinned at him.  
“I know I am” he rolled his eyes and playfully pushed her. They started giggling, mostly because they were both high. Time passed quickly with Eponine, he enjoyed spending his break time with her. No matter how depressed he was that day, she would manage to make him laugh and smile. He wasn’t in love with her, although most people thought that was the case. No, he batted for the other side. So did she, although she was seen making out with guys, so Grantaire thought that she was bi. He was fine with that though, it just made Eponine all the more interesting. He did sometimes think it would be nice for some other friends though, a group that they could hang out with, and drink with and just have fun with. Grantaire sighed. Everyone on campus thought he was a worthless drunk, so why bother. Fuck it, he’d be better off dead. The bell rang again and he looked sadly at Eponine who sighed and took one last drag of her join before butting it out on the concrete. He took one last swig from the bottle he was holding and then replaced it in their hiding spot, a hole in the tree. They walked back to the lecture halls and classrooms as slowly as they could. When it was time for them to go their separate ways, Grantaire placed a quick kiss on Eponines cheek and smiled warmly at her. She grinned and flitted off in the direction of her next lecture. He was so glad that she was his best friend, and nobody else.

****

Grantaire slumped down in his bed, bottle in hand. He was glad to be able to do nothing for the remainder of the day. It had been a long day and he’d had enough of professors and other people for the day. He sighed and took his thinly knitted jumper off and rolled the sleeves of his shirt up before collapsing on his bed and drinking and smoking. He had a dorm on his own so he didn’t have to put up with someone else trudging around the room and fucking all his shit up. Mind you, the room was a mess anyway. He shrugged to himself.  
“Fuck this, not as though anyone actually cares anyway” he mumbled to himself and took a drag of a cigarette he was smoking. He picked up his phone and sent a quick text to Eponine.

Ep, wanna pop over?  
Feel like a chat..  
R  
Xxxxx

Hey R,  
Is everything okay?  
Ep  
Xxxxx

Yeah, I just uh,  
I just think it’s time   
I tell you something.  
You don’t mind popping over?  
R  
Xxxxx

Sure thing.  
I’ll be over in 5  
Ep  
Xxxxx

 

-

The best thing about being best friends with Eponine was that no matter what happened, he could count on her to be there for him. Anything he needed, she’d be there. He thought that it was time he confessed the biggest load he’d been keeping to himself. It was dragging him down and he needed to tell her. Grantaire was nervous, he admitted that to himself. He’d never openly discussed what he was about to tell Eponine with anyone and that scared him. 

Moments later, someone knocked on his door. He jumped up and put his cigarette down. He wandered over to the door and opened it to reveal Eponines bright and not stoned face.  
“Hey” he greeted her quietly. She smiled at him.  
“Hey R, is everything ok? What do you wanna tell me?” she gave him a quick squeeze then sat on his bed cross legged.   
“Yeah.. You said I could trust you right? With anything?” he had to make sure that he could trust her. Grantaire already knew that he could, but he was trying to stall and waste time.  
“Of course, R. You know that” she smiled reassuringly at him. He nodded slowly and took a deep breath.  
“Ep… I… I don’t know how to tell you” he sighed. He really was useless at telling people how he felt. He was looking at the quilt cover on the bed, picking at it, desperately thinking of a way to tell her.  
“Whats up R?” she cooed. She looked worred now, her face was creased with frown lines and she looked so much older, so much wiser. He sighed again and yanked up the rest of his sleeves. Her eyes darted down to his arms and she gasped. White and red scars criss-crossed his arm and biceps. She reached out and traced them lightly with her fingers.  
“T…’Taire…” she reached over and engulfed him in her arms. He felt something wet drop onto his shirt and realised she was crying. He pulled away and looked at her.  
“Non, ‘Ponine, don’t cry” he told her while wiping some of the tears away. She nodded and took a deep breath, still looking down at his arms.  
“Why?” she asked him, she looked up and into Grantaires eyes, searching for an answer. For a reason. He shrugged.  
“I… I guess I needed something, didn’t I? I didn’t always drink and smoke. I’ve always been self-destructive though. Even from an early age… I needed something to distract me from my feelings, from everything that was going on around me” he rushed. The words fell from his mouth all at once, all in one breath.   
“Mon ‘Taire… Oh ‘Taire.. I wish… When did you do this?” she looked at Grantaire and touched his cheek soothingly.   
“I… Some are old but… but some are not too long ago…” he trailed off, looking at his arms. They were destroyed, absolutely covered in long and short scars. Some a pale white, some a light pinky colour and others quite red.  
“Is this still happening?” Eponine placed her hand ontop of Grantaires and that caused him to look up into her eyes. He sat there, unsure what to do or say. She sighed and pulled him in for another hug.  
“Mon ‘Taire, it will be okay” Grantaire suddenly felt like crying. A lump formed in his throat and his eyes welled up. He fought back the tears though, trying to prove to Eponine that he was stronger than he seemed. The welling up eyes wasn’t helping. He blinked a few times and took a deep breath before pulling away. Eponine sat back and smiled.  
“I think we should go do something, just try and have fun. Without smoking or drinking. Maybe get your mind off this” Grantaire was surprised at her suggestion but he thought it sounded like a good idea. He smiled slightly and nodded.   
“Yay! Get your jumper and scarf, I know where we can go” she beamed and put on her coat and scarf and even though Grantaire wasn’t ready to go, she grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him out of the door.


	2. Fighting For the Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Modern AU in which Grantaire meets the Amis and finally finds someone he loves but only realises that he’s just as emotionaly screwed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the first chapter went alright, I got lots of reads and wow, thank you guys so much. So, like I said. This story is following my own story but it also incorporates the plot line of Les Miserables in a Modern AU setting. I hope you enjoy it, I’m trying really hard to write and I just gah, I dunno if I’m writing very well? Oh well, let me know if I am! Thanks again for reading, it means a lot ☺

Grantaire was pulled out of the door of his dorm by Eponine. Where she was taking him, he had no idea but he went along with it. Adventures with ‘Ponine were always fun. She slowed down and started walking beside him, one arm wrapped around one of his. Her touch was delicate, gentle. Almost as if she was afraid that she would hurt him if she held him too hard. She stopped and looked at him.  
“I think we should find some friends” she smiled encouragingly. Grantaire was surprised that she suggested friends because she had always preferred to be on her own. Hell, Grantaire was lucky that she was even friends with him. Eponine was someone who kept to herself and didn’t like to have friends. 

He could remember the first day they met, she was sitting by the river Seine drinking and staring out sadly to the water. Grantaire had approached her and sat down beside her, looking equally as sad at the water.  
“Madmoiselle” he addressed her. She turned her gaze towards him and offered him her bottle. This was the start of their friendship. Everyday he would go down to the river Seine and sit at the same spot. Sometimes finding her there and sometimes she would find him. But everyday they sat and talked and drank and smoked and their friendship bossomed. Everyday they learnt something new about each other. They learnt that they were both equally as lonely, equally as sad and they kept each other company. They learnt that they were in neighbouring dorm buildings and that they both could not care less about school. They were the same really, except he had a deeper darker secret that nobody could know. She herself, was hiding something aweful. Something that she wouldn’t tell a soul. That was until she met Grantaire.

“F..Friends?” Grantaire stammered. He looked her in the eye and she nodded.  
“I know where we can find some. There is this great little café just down here where we can go and meet some new people. Perhaps, and I’m just guessing, but perhaps they can pull us both out of our depressive states and we can start to enjoy life” she grinned at him and took his hand again before dragging him down the street and in the door of a café. The café was dim but it was lively. It was mainly full of students who were drinking and laughing, making lots of noise. There was a big table in the middle and sitting around the table was a big group of students. Grantaire looked around him, trying to get his bearings. He felt uncomfortable. He didn’t want to be here.   
“Ep.. I really don’t think we should be here. These students already look as though they know each other and are quite content with each others company…” he told Eponine. She rolled her eyes and took his hand.  
“You’ll be fine. Just follow my lead” she nodded and smiled, turning to face the big group in the middle.  
“Hi boys! My name is Eponine Thenardier and this is my friend Alec Grantaire! We’re both students at the college. And what about you?” she beamed at the group who had all shut up and turned to look at them. Fuck. Grantaire hated being the centre of attention. He tugged his sleeves a little further down and grabbed onto the ends with his hands, keeping them snug over his arms. He gave an awkward smile and nodded.  
“Uh, hi. We’re the Amis of the ABC” a guy the same age as Grantaire, probably older stepped forward. He had reddish blondey curly hair and an absolutely gorgeous smile. He was wearing black skinny jeans, black converse and a Rolling Stones singlet with a checked shirt over the top. He smiled at Eponine and Grantaire and passed them a drink. Grantaire awkwardly took it and was introduced to some of the other people.  
“My name is Daniel Enjolras but most people call me Enjolras. This here is Marius, Cosette, Courfeyrac, Combeferre, Joly and Jehan, my main boys” a cough interrupted Enjolras’ introductions. He turned to look at the girl he called Cosette and shook his head “Right, and girl.. Uh, sorry. That little kid over there, that's Gavroche” Enjolras smiled at Grantaire as he introduced them all. They seemed nice enough, that's for sure.  
“H…Hi. Uh, I’m Gra…Alec, Alec Grantaire but uh, you can just call me Grantaire. Or R. Or ‘Taire. Most people call me ‘Taire um..” he trailed off looking awkwardly down at his drink. Enjolras placed his hand comfortingly on Grantaires shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze.  
“Hey, theres no need to be so nervous! We’re just a normal bunch of guys like you” Grantaire nodded. Inside he was laughing, Grantaire was not normal. He was far from normal. He forced a smile and was lead to a seat where he sat down and started listening to the conversations going on. It started off as normal campus gossip but then it carried on to plans for a revolution against the government for better funding for the college. Grantaire would admit, he was impressed. A group of students that were around his age, some older and some younger, had already made plans to start and uprising against the government just so they could get better funding for the college.   
“Might I interject just for a second” Grantaire heard himself saying. Enjolras looked at him and nodded, smiling.  
“I.. Well, if you want better funding, would it not help to start protesting at the college first, before taking it directly to the government?” he couldn’t stop himself. He was blurting things out and he wasn’t sure what would happen. Everyone at the table stopped talking and had turned to him. Grantaire was a bit scared, he wasn’t sure of what was about to happen. He could have just started a bar fight. But instead the conversation started back up about various ways they could campaign at the school. Enjolras gave him a clap on the back.  
“Nice one! I must admit, we didn’t think of that. You might be useful to keep around after all” he smiled and went back to his plans.

Meanwhile, Eponine had been talking to the boy called Marius. They were having a heated conversation about God knows what, but Eponine looked as though she was really into it, she was smiling and laughing but at the same time incredibly concentrated on Marius. He smiled, he hadn’t seen her laugh properly for ages.   
“Is she your girlfriend?” he turned around to see Enjolras standing next to him watching him closely. He laughed and shook his head.  
“No. No, we’re best friends. Nothing more” he smiled at Enjolras who smiled back. God, his smile blew him away. His perfect teeth and his gorgeous smile. Grantaire couldn’t help but stare. He was beautiful, from his reddy blondey hair to his perfectly shined black boots. Grantaire sighed and blinked a couple of times.  
“What are you looking at, mon ami?” Enjolras pulled Grantaire out of his thoughts. He swallowed and shook his head again.  
“N… Nothing” Grantaire replied, forcing a smile on his lips. Enjolras laughed and grabbed Grantaires arm, leading him over to the bar.  
“Can I get 2 whiskey’s? Thanks” he grabbed the drinks and handed one to Grantaire.  
“Come, sit with us. Talk with us. You are now part of the Amis” Enjolras smiled again and made space for Grantaire to sit down at the main table. Automatically Courfeyrac started conversation about how Enjolras has never kissed anyone. It seemed that this conversation happened a lot. Enjolras sighed and then laughed and shook his head, his curls bouncing around.  
“Boys, boys. How many times have we discussed this? I am not one for women” he winked at Grantaire and took a swig of his whiskey. The rest of the boys laughed and jeered at him, sending insults and jokes flying everywhich way. The insults were meant light heartedly and most of them were laughed off.

“Grantaire! Come, tell everyone about yourself” Courfeyrac shouted over the noise. Some of the others shouted sounds of approval and nodded. Grantaire gulped and looked over to Eponine who shrugged and nodded. Grantaire sighed and nodded, standing up.  
“My friends, my name is Alec Grantaire. I am 19 years old and I major in art at the College” he smiled and went to sit down when someone shouted from the table.  
“Tell us more!” he laughed and rolled his eyes, everyone was so drunk.  
“Fine! My best friend is Eponine over there” he nodded in her direction “and she’s absolutely gorgeous, who knows where I would be without her. But as straight as that makes me sound, I will admit, and only to you boys, that I am gay. And proudly gay for that matter” he took a swig from the bottle that had replaced his glass and swallowed. He nodded and sat down, everyone clapping him. He turned and looked at Enjolras.  
“Was that an okay introduction?” he slurred. Enjolras laughed and nodded.  
“It was fine” he smiled and slapped Grantaire on the shoulder. They keep drinking and laughing and playing drinking games until it was early morning. Grantaire took a quick look at the time and sighed. He should be going, he had art in the morning and that was the one class he was prepared to do well in. He emptied the rest of his second bottle and stood up, swaying.  
“Alright boys, that's it for me. I’ve got art in a few hours and I need to actually do well in this class. I’ll see you round” he grabbed his coat and met Eponine at the door. They were walking down the street, Grantaire was actually staggering. Eponine was laughing at him and Grantaire was cursing, he really needed to watch how much he drank.   
“’Taire, ‘Ponine! Wait up” they stopped and turned around. Enjolras was chasing after them his coat flying behind him. He laughed and waited for Enjolras to catch up. He shook his head when Enjolras finally caught up and was bent over, hands on his knees trying to catch his breath.  
“Enjolras” Grantaire laughed and gave him a couple of hits on the back, as much as that wouldn’t help. He finally stood up and was able to walk properly, unlike Grantaire.  
“So, you’re here because…” Eponine asked. Grantaire elbowed her in the ribs and she hissed at him. He laughed and shook his head, god she could be rude.  
“I.. I thought I’d catch up with you guys. Walk back to campus with you? Considering Grantaire and I live in the same building and all…” he looked at Grantaire and smiled. Grantaire shuddered, if it was from the cold he was not sure. Grantaire smiled and nodded, moving a bit closer to Enjolras. For someone as drunk as he was, he was managing to hold himself together. Grantaire was proud. They chatted with each other and it seemed as though it only took a few seconds to reach their dorms. Grantaire said goodnight to Eponine, kissing her on the cheek and making sure she got inside okay, then turned back to Enjolras.  
“So… It’s just you and I” Enjolras cocked his head to the side and grinned.   
“That it is, I guess we should start walking over to our rooms though. Don’t wanna get caught out here you know” Grantaire said. He could feel the tension between them and he wanted badly to place his lips on Enjolras. 

They walked in silence until they reached the dorms. Grantaire was the first to say goodnight as his room was the first they reached.  
“Well, I guess this is goodnight then. Will I see you tomorrow?” Grantaire slurred and smiled at Enjolras.  
“Maybe, who knows. Will you come back down to the café? The Amis would love to see you again. Everyone thinks you’re great, lots of fun to be around” he smiled and looked straight into Grantaires eyes. Butterflies rose in Grantaires stomach and his heart beat increased. Enjolras’ lips were literally inches away from his and he wanted so badly to close the distance.   
“Oh, they do? I’m glad. I think they’re quite nice as well and I..” Grantaire was cut off by Enjolras planting his lips right on Grantaires. Grantaire was surprised and took his time to start kissing back but when he did, Enjolras tangled his hands in Grantaires hair. Grantaire closed his eyes and wrapped his hands around Enjolras’ neck.  
“S…Stop” Grantaire pulled away from the kiss. Enjolras looked worried, his face was creased with a frown.  
“Did.. Did I do something wrong?” he looked Grantaire in the eye, but Grantaire looked away and down at his wrists.  
“I.. No.. It is not you.. It’s just.. I’m not what you want.. I’m.. I’m really sorry Enjolras..” he whispered, blinking back tears. He quickly opened the door and retreated inside his room before anything else was said. It was here that he let the tears fall and he truly fell apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. chapter 2. I apologise for the shittyness of this chapter but hell, I wrote it quickly. Anyways, thanks for reading it, if you survived the chapter that is. But yeah, there was nothing too smutty in here but I'm sure eventually there will be some form of smut.. Who knows. I apologise for anything you read in here, its not the best of my works but thank you for reading it all the same :) Aurevoir for now :)
> 
> ~ Sammy


	3. Almost Dead, Just Not Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Modern AU in which Grantaire is unconscious in his bathroom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So it turns out you guys are really enjoying my fanfiction so I thought I’d give you another chapter ☺ I’m really happy with the feedback I’m giving and many of you have asked what’s my story, why am I writing this. I guess I can give you a quick overview. My father physically abused me as a child. I guess that affected how I was at school, withdrawn and kept to myself (for some of my primary school years) and that caused me to have no friends. My father left my mother and I, when I was 4, with nothing, barely anything to live on and it took years for my mother to pull something together. We moved to a different place and stared all over again. Just her and I. I had no friends and I was not enjoying school because of how I was so it was difficult for me. After a few years it got too much, constant bullying and harassing every day, so my mum moved us back to where we started. I changed schools again and, whilst it was still incredibly hard for me to make friends, I made a few and I started to relax, come out of my shell; if you will. Anyway, I made some friends but I still had trouble at home with my mum and I would always get into fights, some ending up physical and others ending up with threats to be put in the hospital. But things happened with my family, with my friends and with me and I developed depression and started self-harming (mainly cutting). I have incredible self-esteem issues where I hate what I see, I tried to stop eating but I got busted for it and I tried to throw the food I ate up but again I got found out. Since year 6, I’ve attempted suicide 4 times and I’ve managed to wake up once or twice in hospital. I have a psychologist so I’m getting help and yes, I’m getting better. Only recently I’ve been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder too so.. I guess that's a challenge, but it is controllable (sorta). Anyway, I want you guys to remember that if you need someone to talk about absolutely anything send me a message either on here, on my tumblr (http://willyoupermit—it.tumblr.com) or send me an email (samlupia@gmail.com) So, here is chapter 3 and I really hope you enjoy it! Thanks again for all the positive feedback, you guys are seriously the best.

Grantaire collapsed behind the door and fell apart. Tears streamed down his face and his body wracked with sobs. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rocked back and forth. He pushed everyone away; he did it all the time. No matter who it was, no matter what happened. He got up shakily and stumbled into the bathroom. He sat down on the edge of the bathtub and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He shook his head, what he saw disgusted him. A messed up boy with red puffy eyes. He was disgusted in himself, with what he had become. He stood up shakily and went to the vanity where he kept a little box with everything he needed in there. He opened it slowly and stared at the shiny pieces of metal and sighed. He had promised himself that he wasn’t going to do this anymore. But how could he not when he was hurting everyone around him, his best friend and the one person he had fallen in love with. He gritted his teeth and grabbed the newest and shiniest of the blades and put the box away, sliding down the bathtub. He sucked in his breath and placed the metal to his skin. His eyes welled up with tears and he couldn’t see what he was doing. He took a deep breath and pulled the blade across his arm. It stung, but it was helping. His pain was numbing and he could only focus on the redness coming from his arm. He sat there dragging the blade across his wrist, over the same place numerous times until he dropped the blade. It fell from his hand and clattered on the tiles, dripping red everywhere. He took a breath and sat there, staring at the mess he had just made. Numerous red lines covered his already messed up wrist. He sighed, shook his head and shut his eyes, leaning his head against the side of the tub. Grantaire was tired, emotionally and physically. He blacked out, whether from sleep or loss of blood he was not sure.

He woke up the next day in his bed and in his pyjamas. He had a pounding headache and the light was incredibly bright coming in from the window. He sat up and looked around. Enjolras was curled up on his couch fast asleep. He gasped quietly and wondered what had happened last night. He couldn’t remember. He quietly got out of bed and snuck into the bathroom. He stopped when he saw all the red tissues in the sink and he remembered. He yanked up his sleeve and stared down at his wrist. Sure enough, there were incredible amounts of red lines covering his wrist and forearm. He sighed and pulled his sleeve down. He turned around to go back to his bed; maybe it was just a dream. He stopped when he saw Enjolras leaning in the doorway.  
“Grantaire…” Enjolras whispered, a pained look in his eyes. Grantaire opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, unsure what to do or say. He just stared at Enjolras.  
“I’m so sorry…” Enjolras started. Grantaire sighed; he knew what was about to come.  
“Enjolras, please. Do not say anything” Enjolras looked at him as he spoke.  
“But... I caused this, did I not?” Grantaire shrugged and looked down at his hands. He heard Enjolras moved but didn’t dare look up to see where he had gone. He felt a hand on his shoulder and suddenly his face was being lifted up to meet the eyes of Enjolras.  
“Why do you do this to yourself?” his eyes were deep in Grantaire’s, looking for an answer. Grantaire shrugged and took a deep breath.  
“I… It’s… Because I needed something to get rid of the pain. Of the hurt. And... And I didn’t always smoke and drink. It... I don’t know” Grantaire looked away from Enjolras and down at his bed. Trying to hide away from him.  
“Please, talk to me? Next time you want to do…” Enjolras gestured to Grantaire’s arms “this… I don’t want you hurting, I really don’t and it pains me to know that I’ve caused this” he looked down and Grantaire could see him blinking back tears. Grantaire suddenly felt a pang of guilt, he was hurting the people around him again. He couldn’t handle hurting the people around him. If they were hurting, why shouldn’t he be?  
“Non.. Yo..You have not. Please. Please do not think you have” Grantaire tried to get Enjolras to look at him.  
“But… Why else would it be?” Enjolras final looked up at him. Grantaire shrugged again. He didn’t want to tell Enjolras what the real reason behind everything was. He knew that if he said it out loud, it would cause him to break even more. He sighed and a tear fell from his eyes.

Meanwhile, Eponine was spending her time with Marius. They had left the café separately but had met up later and things had gotten heated. It was obvious that just from their meeting at the ABC Café, they both liked each other, but refusing to admit it to each other. That was until Marius turned up at Eponines. They had talked for a while until things got a little heated and Marius planted his lips on hers and they had spent most of the night that way. Eponine was happy with her night. She really liked Marius and it was obvious he liked her back. They exchanged numbers and had been texting ever since. She couldn’t stop grinning at her phone. She waited for the moment when he texted her, so she could text back. She was smitten by him and they had only known each other for a few hours. Except, she couldn’t get Grantaire out of her mind. How he had been reduced to hurting himself. She didn’t know why. Was it something she had done? Something she hadn’t done? She was worried about him, what would be his next move? Enjolras had texted Marius, saying that Grantaire was unconscious on the floor of the bathroom, but he had sorted it out. Marius had told Eponine and she freaked out, wanting to go see him. But Marius had promised that it would be fine. That Enjolras was with Grantaire right then and he was taking care of Grantaire. She sighed to herself, what if she had hurt him unintentionally? 

Her phone buzzed, she opened the message. It was from Enjolras.

Eponine...  
He’s awake.  
He’s okay, a bit shaken up  
But okay  
Enjolras

Eponine breathed a sigh of relief, Grantaire was okay thank god

Thank you Enjolras  
You’re such a great friend  
Take care of him  
Eponine x

She put her phone down and sighed. God knows what would happen next…

Grantaire had no idea that Enjolras had sent the text. Enjolras promised both Marius and Eponine that he wouldn’t tell Grantaire that he told them. Eponine thought that was what Grantaire wanted. Enjolras was worried though, worried that his next step would be more drastic. Worried that he might do something or say something that might hurt him even more, that might cause him the worst pain to end it all. He was cautious around Grantaire. Even in groups, he always an eye on him, making sure he was okay. Making sure that whatever was going on, Grantaire was somewhere to be found and if he wasn’t, then Enjolras would start to worry. He knew in his heart that he had feelings for the messed up boy, but he wanted to take care of Grantaire. He wanted to be that someone that Grantaire could go to whenever he was in need of someone to talk to. He wanted to stand by him, protect him and most of all, be with him. Enjolras was in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there it is. The 3rd chapter! Sorry it was a bit short, I wasn't sure what to write.. I really hope you guys liked it. the feeback I'm receiving is amazing! Thank you so much for all your reads and comments, your the best <3 Anyway, again, let me know what you think! Feedback is always helpful   
> ~ Sammy xx

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, there it is. My first fic. Bit depressing yeh? I know.. Sorry about that. It’s okay, I’ve now got 2 fics running. This one and another one called The Only Thing Was Him ☺ read it! But, if you’ve survived my daunting chapter, the next should be up pretty soon! I literally wrote this in like.. pfsht 30 minutes. I dunno, I kinda just babbled what was on my mind. I know that there are a few self-harming fics and such out there, but I haven’t read any (yet) from the Les Mis fandom. However I’m sure there are some out there. But anyways, this is my fic and I thank you for reading it. Stay posted for the next chapter my lovelies ☺ Aurevoir for now!   
> ~ Sammy


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